Before I came out of the psychic closet, I had tested the waters with several people over the years.  I knew after discussions with some, that I was often surprised by the closed minds of those who I thought would be open and the open minds of those I assumed were closed.

There were several times I came close to telling my secret to a few people but something would trigger the fear in me and I would shut down the subject of conversation before I took the chance.

Recently, some of the people I purposely kept it from have learned my secret.   I haven’t exactly hid the fact for the past 6 or 7 years, but there was one individual that concerned me the most.  I don’t know why I was so fearful of him knowing, but I do believe that the religious views of some are so strong that it can create a closed judgmental mind and I knew if his response was negative, it would hurt.

The potential reactions of people we care for dearly are the ones that can cause us the most trepidation.  I have already lost some friends because of my ability and the very thought of him looking at me in a negative way, literally made me sick to my stomach.  There were several opportunities to tell him and we had always had a good relationship, but just when I had made up my mind to talk to him openly, something changed. 
He had moved away earlier that year and I didn’t see him very often and when I had recently given him an honest response about another matter, it wasn’t what he wanted to hear, and I felt him pull away.

It’s no secret that I have always been ... weird.  It’s been a joke between family and close friends, that I was always more than a little different.  I have a strange sense of humor and a unique way of looking at situations that most people have a hard time wrapping their head around.  I am probably the only Medium who has a difficult time believing in past lives, even though my soul knows it’s true.  I cheer for the underdog and have high respect for those whose challenges in life are different from my own and for which on many occasion, has put me in situations where I was judged pretty harshly.

I regularly have people make negative comments and some even resort to bible quoting in order to try to intimidate me. It seldom works. 

I don’t look for approval from anyone.  I am who I am.  I just hope to be accepted and loved, just as I am.   But his reaction for some reason, is important to me… and I don’t know why. I know from those in spirit, this is something that affects me on a soul level. It runs deep.

I don’t discard friends and I don’t dismiss people who are a significant part of my life, even if most of that part they played in my life has passed.  I know that at some point, he may read this.  All I can do is pray that he does so with an open mind and an open heart.  Hopefully my message will be clear and everything will finally make sense to him and that he will have a greater understanding of this person he has known for nearly 30 years.